NO TO GUNS BUT YES TO BULLETS

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HOLY MOLEY WTF DIE!? I purchased my NutriBullet on boxing day of 2015 and I can solemnly swear it has changed my life.

I have used it almost everyday since, so thank God for designing such vegetable based weapon.

Nutrition is certainly one of the top things that affects my mental health, and of course my physical health, which makes sense are they are linked.

The NutriBullet massively assists my head and body by mashing up like 9 portions of greens with a berry or two resulting in a swampy looking substance that tastes like a fucking cake!!! That’s right, Spinach and celery that tastes of cake!

On top of this everything you put in is raw. This is beneficial when I’m particularly depressed because it eases the effort of cooking yet I can still get them greens in me!

The NutriBullet is a sure fire way to smash the UK’s health standards to pieces by becoming a liquidy vegetable freak and mashing all sorts of things into the easy to clean cup with screw on blade attachment. It is almost impossible not to wash the blades as it’s so easy. There is no complicated dismantling or poking around to get gadge out of awkward ruts and seams.

You can fuck off Britain with your 5 a day coz it’s more like 5 a second with this whaz piece!

If you’re feeling particularly edgy you can fetch yourself some “Supergreens”, “Spirulina” and “Chia Seeds”, from Holland and Barrett or one of those Tesco’s that looks like an airport and never closes. This will really add the cherry to your cake, (or juice that tastes of cake).

So don’t get sad, get a bloody NutriBullet and save yourself from Rock Bottom today.

I got mine from Argos but any sort of crazy ass large supermarket will do.

NutriBullet, Artpornblog loves you!

[Keep an eye out for brain based juice recipes coming soon]…

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Written and Recommended by Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”

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