CLUB PORN: [FAGGY-OKAY]

REVIEW

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Last night I went to the virgin instalment of FAGGY-OKAY at The Glory in Haggerston.

After a brief chinwag upstairs with long lost festival romance, “David Oh”, and intellectual green giant, “JR Justin Hunt aka Sharon Husbands”, it was time to head to the basement.

The setup was nothing short of what anyone would entirely expect of a Karaoke night: a small box stage with a TV screen, colour changing lights and a foil curtain.

It was like all my childhood nightmares rolled into one, memories of waking up sweating after someone at “Oasis” forced me to sing a pop song that I didn’t know the words to and then fearing people would judge my whole career as a performer on it.

The night started fairly quietly, I felt awkward standing and watching the bad singing, and feeling like I had to enjoy it. But the other guests were definitely having fun and I was fully occupied by the lollies provided on the tables.

Half an hour later and the room was filling out. With a fuller audience and a great performance of “Beauty School Drop-Out” by Sandy, (a very willing punter), complete with bubbles and backing queens, the night was taking shape.

What really got things going however, was when host, “Ginger Johnson”, decided it was time for his-her performance. All of a sudden, the night that had started so quietly turned into a full on East End, club scene party brawl.

Ginger’s performance of “Sia’s – Chandelier”, did not fail to stir a commotion and even though I’ve seen it about 6 times I was wildly entertained.

Glasses spilled and and people squealed as she threw herself around the room utilising every surface possible including men and the ceiling. The mass of nude leotard swept the walls and floors offering physical connection to anyone who may have been previously lacking it.

When the performance was done the energy in the room was somewhat different. The urge to join in was giving me ants in my pants and I was desperately racking my brain for something I could sing. (I will be educating myself on potential pop songs and show-tunes throughout the week in preparation for the next one).

A song or two later, it was time for the stunningly plastic, Witch Queen, Jonbenet Blonde to take to the stage.

Her rendition of something vaguely country and western while maintaining a slutty rock vibe, definitely sent the atmosphere into the realms of Sports Bar. I instantly wanted to take her home and throw bottles around the room.

Shortly after this it was time for me to leave as I had arranged to make an appearance at Hoi Polloi.

I wish I had stayed at FAGGY-OKAY. Last night something that I had always feared became something I truly wanted to endorse and play in.

The dazzling hosts turned my nightmare into a dream and I am chomping at the bit-gag for the next instalment.

FAGGY-OKAY you were more than OKAY for this FAG!

See you Thursday 8pm @The Glory.

Written by Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”

xXx

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