Used to have a happy face
Now I’m jussa slappy face
Sloppy pace a Dobby waste
Lolloping in Blobby base

You’re a monkey with a string
Push a button watch it sing
Kick its feet and watch it lean
Sometimes you’re just really mean

Can’t you let a midget dance
Unicorn a magic prance
Put a puddle in its stance
Watch it screw up every chance

Why can’t you jus let it thrive
Why you gotta stop its stride
Why you gotta kill its pride
Jesus jus let me alive!



Murder Porn
Murder Porn
You all got your murder porn
Get another baby born
Then you watch your murder porn

Read the News
Read the News
Eat a bruise
Read the News

Murder porn
Murder porn
Eating up the murder porn

Ask a human
Ask a human
Why is it so wrong to ask?

Take a snap
Take a snap
Better that than actual act

Nothing’s real
Stuck in bed
Shut the door

All this juice
You can’t feel
Suckin’ on an orange peel!


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Peter suckin’ on a stick
Ain’t much flavour in the (pic)k
Gum’s-a-bleeding feed him quick
I can feel the feelings thick
Lungs got gusto
You’re just bisto
Mysto Fisto
Run out of Crisco
I thought so darling
You’re not charming
You’re all farming
Self harm dates
Fruitless juice press
Plates for smashing
Think that greeks dashing?
Crash your after party
With a tube of smarties
Mr sharty loosey gut
Thought you were the devil but
I still went there
I still rent
Cher’s pasta salad
Coming at ya’
Smack ya botty
Scotty said
Fuck a socket in your head
Any hole is any goal
But inside you’re DEAD!

Written by Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”.


*All written material Copyright to Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”. Please Contact for publishing permissions.





Sugar fluff this guffer ville

Villain fillin subtle will

Will left it

Or right it?

Will it light a morning fight it?

All this darkness in the night

Alright dear but I don’t bite

And if I do

I’ll chew a shoe

Throw a ticket down the loo

Jussa stabbin’ in the street

I can feel your murky feet

On my back hair

Scraping that there off my foot

Endless soot

This is where I put

My greedy chin

A seedy bin

For Satans sisters settlin’ in

She’s tucked up

She’s comfy

She met Humphrey at Soho House

Now she thinks she’s famous grouse

Puffin belly

Puffin chest

Velvet blazer PR skets

Wet pets

And diddly didduns

I’m skiddin

I’m did in

A flid in his kids tin

Can’t you feel this city’s villain?!

Written by Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”


*All material is copyright to Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”. Please contact via email for publishing and usage.


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Pot Plants, Tighty Wighties, Arses, Six Packs, BULges, soft fades, different angles, shot on iphone X, shot on something better, strained but pensive facial expressions?! WHO DOESN’T LIKE IT! I sure love to beat off to a hackney fantasy of that white wall warehouse draped in soft skin, cheese plants, Eames chairs and muscled bodies.

But when you tell me on your insta profile that you are a writer, contributer, photographer, activist, queerdo, designer, film maker, musician, doctor, psychotherapist, knitting fanatic and gay Francis of Assisi yet not one of your pictures isn’t a fully informed thirst trap?! – all of sudden i’m confused. And it gets my goat!!

First of all, you are clearly giving me SOFT PORN ACTOR realness and a shit load of wank bank material. WHICH IS ALL COOL! I follow plenty of “hot” guys and use tumblr almost daily for my relief and pleasure. But that is my responsibility! It’s up to me to decide how much porn I watch, how healthy it is for me and what I do with those emotions. AND I KNOW it’s porn.

But when we claim that this is somehow NOT JUST PORN, and it is something MORE, not only do we patronise and confuse the supposed omnipotent queer minds roaming fields of feeds, we also deplete and pedestal ourselves above porn actors; which has the effect of demonising people who AREN’T ashamed to describe what they are contributing to the aesthetic world of social media.

I am certainly not saying that one cannot be both an artist, agricultural specialist and porn star all at the same time. And i’m especially not saying that porn can’t be arty and art can’t be porny and for sure those lines are and should be blurred much of the time. Hell! I write a blog called ARTPORNBLOG ffs!


But it bothers me when we pretend it’s something it’s not to somehow makes us feel better about ourslves and what we are doing and denying moral and emotional rest to people who allow themselves to actually be called porn actors.

Sex work IS a thing. And SUPER common amongst queer communities. For sure it can be problematic – but it’s a part of our culture and a way we survive and utilise what we have to survive. AND it can be super enjoyable and rewarding. I’ve been a stripper, a gogo, an insta boy and an underground slut.

Maybe we should think twice before hurling a sexy selfie into the social pool. Do I want likes? Is this good for my soul? Will I regret this tomorrow? Is it hurting someone else to put this out? Whatever the answer to these questions, one can make a clear choice.

But the second I begin to elude myself and tell others via my profile bio that (cue mysterious voice) “This is not poooorn, this is something more refiiiined, i’m special and differeeeent, #nofilteeeeer, #mysteriousartydickpicwithaweepingwillowinthebackground, i’m better than those cheap porn actors who don’t know how to use a soft fade or go to conservatory archives because I have green fingers and I also do headshots for danceeeeers”!!! Then I am robbing my queer peers of their clarity and intelligence and I am ignoring my responsibilty to acknowledge what I am putting out into the world.

I suppose my issue here is that, by doing this, I am not respecting the community that we like I to be a part of. A. because I’m “othering” sex workers while still getting the attention. And B. I’m downright denying myself the opportunity to respect my own feelings in exchange for likes of my arse when in truth I want to be respected also for what is in my brain.

SO SHOW US YOUR BRAIN! And if your brain is filled with big dicks and echinacia then be proud Miss HUNAAY! That insta bio should read… “I’m passionate about Holland and Barrett and how it makes the skin on my ass glow like a fat peach that you can spaff on from the comfort of your own home!” and if you like… “PS, in my non visual aesthetic social media life I am actually a qualified agriculturist with a PHD in biokinetics! If you wish to learn more about that then when you are done wanking over me DM me and I’ll send you some faves from my extensive reading list.” OR show us a pic of your fave current social and gender studies article whilst you are practicing body positivity in the visual section so we really know what you are trying to say.

AND MOST OF ALL, LET US NOT FORGET THE POWER OF WORDS AND WHAT WE PUT OUT INTO THE ETHER! I am well aware that ART has a highly debated definiton and infinite potential forms.

But as far as I can see there is nothing revolutionary, questioning, thought provoking, mysterious, interesting or communicative on a multi-faceted level in the 300 posts of your ass in different positions. Regardless of whether or not you think this reads as contributor or architect. (ooh maybe you could write ARSEchitect!) Now THAT is appealing!

I think Francois Sagat did a pretty good job at shaking the porn world up for that period from about 10-2 years ago. Pornceptual can be fairly pot planty at times but they also KNOW it’s porn! They KNOW, they ARE NOT ASHAMED! Because THEY HAVE NO REASON TO BE! They take RESPONSIBILTY for what they put out in the world.


Uncle Ben said “with a great insta following comes great responsibilty”.

So let us not confuse each other. (Unless that’s the informed purpose of your art). Which i’m pretty sure it’s not. 😉



PS, this is a conversation, so if you’re angry at this writing, please feel free to message me “on a social media platform near you!” about my thoughts and opinions.

Opinions copyrite of Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”









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Coffee cunt deceiver
Roof garden weeder
I like architecture
Really do I fuck
I just know
That i’ll getta betta suck
If I put it on my profile
Dingodile Crash Bandicoot
Middle sass dope smoker
Tooting on a man root
I’m a little faggot
But I much prefer it straight
At least that’s what I tell myself
For a guilt free masturbate

Written by Ted Rogers




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Higgy Piggy
Middle class jiggy wiggy
Put your shit in order
Order some grey felt
Add some mustard
Plants that may welt
Whither and decease
You shall weep
When your made side table
And cotton sheets
Dispel the stench of boredom
Yawning yawn dem
Your den sucks
Got no imagination
Let’s all go on a scandi vacation
PlayStations no good
Will ruin the mood
Only a white wall
And some dry beige food
Won’t satisfy
You make me cry
I would rather
Pull out my eye


Written by Ted Rogers


THOUGHT PORN: [CULTURAL *************]


This was just a little response from me to a post in which a queer criminology lecturer got accused of appropriating Drag Culture by dragging up to teach a lecture on… DRAG!

…I really think people need to check in with the argument of cultural appropriation, look up the many definitions and understand like almost everything in life there are positive and negative facets / ways to doing anything and everything.

We all appropriate! That’s how culture is formed. If no one ever appropriated nothing would ever move or change. We would all only live in tiny groups completely separated from one another and never meet anyone new or create anything new. Everything is created from something; borrowed, contorted, manipulated, tested and recycled. Furthermore even those tiny groups would be guilty of appropriating in some way. Appropriating nature or spirituality or an individuals thoughts and ideas at the most fundamental level. We make shit from the earth, “Sorry rock, I borrowed your fundamental form and hammered you into a spear blade so I could kill animals to survive on the planet”. We all draw pictures – are we appropriating cavemen? Should we not do drawings anymore? We all speak languages – should we all just shut up and not use words? “Sorry Latin, I didn’t mean to offend you by using you as the basis for most european languages”. ?!?!?!?!!!

YES there is a problematic form of appropriation, an end of the spectrum in which we chastise and fuck the culture we appropriate from, particularly in capitalism. But in education? Providing we are teaching as aaccurate a history as can be known then how are we negatively appropriating? YES lived experience is invaluable and we can’t emulate it. But we can certainly inform ourselves of it by listening to stories of the oppressed. And YES there is a lot of insensitivity and ignorance in the way many people appropriate things. Which should be called out and discussed and adressed.

But a lecturer dragging up to teach drag?! A queer lecturer with lived experience of drag culture and the formulation of it from oppressed gay communities. Not to mention a strong lived understanding of why such cultures use entertainment to boost their esteem and express their pains related to the queer struggle, fighting oppression against homophobia, HIV and effeminacy. And the rest.

Would love to know your thoughts.

Ted Xx


I feel like
A bitter stunt
I can’t eat
I can’t stop
I’m about to pick your spot
Scratch your scab
Kick your balls
Make all of the worst prank calls
I’m about to kill myself
Just to spite your kitchen shelf
Dick your order
Back to hell
Ring a polyphonic chime doorbell
Just to piss you off
Just to make you sick
My brain is covered in tits
I’m a flea in your bits
I’m the rain in your Spain
I’m the sag on your back
I’m one who just gave you the sack
I’m a planet who’s climate is Bile
Written by Ted Rogers




When will we learn

How the shit burns

I don’t know what I am doing

Better sit here

Stewing up a pig storm

A brig dorm

A stig born

A builder bag

Full of bricks and mortar

And a witch

That all our children had

I’ve got a handmaiden

Giving birth t’ twigs

Betta build a tree

That will pry open our lids

I wanna see what the future will hold

Never mind

This glass of wine is cold

Written by Ted Rogers