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Coffee cunt deceiver
Roof garden weeder
I like architecture
Really do I fuck
I just know
That i’ll getta betta suck
If I put it on my profile
Dingodile Crash Bandicoot
Middle sass dope smoker
Tooting on a man root
I’m a little faggot
But I much prefer it straight
At least that’s what I tell myself
For a guilt free masturbate

Written by Ted Rogers




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Higgy Piggy
Middle class jiggy wiggy
Put your shit in order
Order some grey felt
Add some mustard
Plants that may welt
Whither and decease
You shall weep
When your made side table
And cotton sheets
Dispel the stench of boredom
Yawning yawn dem
Your den sucks
Got no imagination
Let’s all go on a scandi vacation
PlayStations no good
Will ruin the mood
Only a white wall
And some dry beige food
Won’t satisfy
You make me cry
I would rather
Pull out my eye


Written by Ted Rogers


THOUGHT PORN: [CULTURAL *************]


This was just a little response from me to a post in which a queer criminology lecturer got accused of appropriating Drag Culture by dragging up to teach a lecture on… DRAG!

…I really think people need to check in with the argument of cultural appropriation, look up the many definitions and understand like almost everything in life there are positive and negative facets / ways to doing anything and everything.

We all appropriate! That’s how culture is formed. If no one ever appropriated nothing would ever move or change. We would all only live in tiny groups completely separated from one another and never meet anyone new or create anything new. Everything is created from something; borrowed, contorted, manipulated, tested and recycled. Furthermore even those tiny groups would be guilty of appropriating in some way. Appropriating nature or spirituality or an individuals thoughts and ideas at the most fundamental level. We make shit from the earth, “Sorry rock, I borrowed your fundamental form and hammered you into a spear blade so I could kill animals to survive on the planet”. We all draw pictures – are we appropriating cavemen? Should we not do drawings anymore? We all speak languages – should we all just shut up and not use words? “Sorry Latin, I didn’t mean to offend you by using you as the basis for most european languages”. ?!?!?!?!!!

YES there is a problematic form of appropriation, an end of the spectrum in which we chastise and fuck the culture we appropriate from, particularly in capitalism. But in education? Providing we are teaching as aaccurate a history as can be known then how are we negatively appropriating? YES lived experience is invaluable and we can’t emulate it. But we can certainly inform ourselves of it by listening to stories of the oppressed. And YES there is a lot of insensitivity and ignorance in the way many people appropriate things. Which should be called out and discussed and adressed.

But a lecturer dragging up to teach drag?! A queer lecturer with lived experience of drag culture and the formulation of it from oppressed gay communities. Not to mention a strong lived understanding of why such cultures use entertainment to boost their esteem and express their pains related to the queer struggle, fighting oppression against homophobia, HIV and effeminacy. And the rest.

Would love to know your thoughts.

Ted Xx


I feel like
A bitter stunt
I can’t eat
I can’t stop
I’m about to pick your spot
Scratch your scab
Kick your balls
Make all of the worst prank calls
I’m about to kill myself
Just to spite your kitchen shelf
Dick your order
Back to hell
Ring a polyphonic chime doorbell
Just to piss you off
Just to make you sick
My brain is covered in tits
I’m a flea in your bits
I’m the rain in your Spain
I’m the sag on your back
I’m one who just gave you the sack
I’m a planet who’s climate is Bile
Written by Ted Rogers




When will we learn

How the shit burns

I don’t know what I am doing

Better sit here

Stewing up a pig storm

A brig dorm

A stig born

A builder bag

Full of bricks and mortar

And a witch

That all our children had

I’ve got a handmaiden

Giving birth t’ twigs

Betta build a tree

That will pry open our lids

I wanna see what the future will hold

Never mind

This glass of wine is cold

Written by Ted Rogers





Winter is cold, Britain is bleak, depression might be looming, but this freak has a solution for y’all.

1. Put on some Erykah Badu, breathe her in, breathe her out, stretch your arms up to the sky, touch your toes, kiss your own nose, stick your ass out, roll around, groove out.


2. Be dirty, be gross, be morning, have bad breath, feel puffy, enjoy it, endorse it, make noises, groove out.


3. When your done dancing (ps you’re never really done dancing), thank Erykah, thank the universe for her vibes, breathe in breathe out, wriggle your toes on the floor, be in your body.


4. Smile, even if it’s not real first time, it will get there, be kind to yourself!


5. Make some banana pancakes, dance while you fry, hug your flatmate, ask why, eat life, breathe coffee, thank the universe, thank yourself.


After you have completed these things, see how you feel, if it doesn’t work, try again tomorrow, but at least for this morning you have given yourself the love you deserve.


Other music options…

  • NYC Download Radio
  • Nina Kraviz
  • Aretha Franklin
  • Donna Summer
  • Sylvester


Ready for the day? Let’s GO!


Written and recommended by Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”

#drugfreesolutions #lifeizdrugs





You’ve got a whole industry based on codependent shit
You’ve got a whole culture based on being a bitch
Take your 10 plaid shirts and suck my dick
Your kind makes the world go sick

How much money can you make on the back of poor relationships
How much drivel can you spout from this mornings tits
How many more people will buy a pill that gives you the shits
This is our national television and we’re all stuck to it

I don’t want to think for myself
I just want a baby
A love slave a gimp dog
A lovely Chinese lady
Something to forget that I’m just really fucking lazy
I can’t take my privilege so TV makes me hazy

[Lorraine bake me another cake bake me another cake
Lorraine bake me another cake bake me another cake
Lorraine give me a fucking rake I need some drugs to take
My life’s so straight because of you fucks sake!]

Do you all want to be like Holly Willoughby Yes
Do you all want to live on a pre-fabricated set
Do you all want Philip Schofields orange fucking face
Closeted shit role model putting people in their place

Well Philip fuck off with your cuntservative agenda
Why don’t you go and smash yourself up on a bloody bender
Your not even full fat sugar more like Splenda
I would rather climb back up inside with the placenta

Put me back inside my mum
Put me back inside
Don’t want this white shit I’d much rather hide
So take your national television and shove it up your munt
This TV on the wall is full of cunts

Lorraine bake me another cake bake me another cake
Lorraine bake me another cake bake me another cake
Lorraine give me a fucking rake I need some drugs to take
My life’s so straight because of you fucks sake!

Written by Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”






Tonight I attended, “Too Black Too Queer”, an event which is part of the Brixton Reel film festival and celebrates Queer Experience and mental wellbeing of Queer People of Colour.

As one of the performers aptly pointed out, this is essentially an event celebrating minorities within minorities, and several of the performers expressed how grateful they were for such a space.

The night kicked off with screenings of 6 film shorts all exploring the themes of the night and were followed with cabaret performances from a VIP Drag artist, Poets, Grime Artists, Singers, and non-binary-new-wave-future-goth-warrior-wordsmiths.

The diverse array of acts was ultra-refreshing and to see such established and typically straight male dominated genres of performance such as rap and grime being queered, was all the more exhilarating.

My personal favourites of the night were – “Travis Alabanza” who poured hyper sharp truths from their blue lips to bass and beats, all whilst having a humorous dialogue with God about black gay love and speaking of their experience of racists in the bedroom.

And “Karnage Kills”, the final act, who tore the stage to pieces with their ridiculously quick and sick, original queer grime and Stormzy remixes; citing heartbreak, shit opinions from people who think they know stuff, and self affirmation. Karnage was carnage in all the best ways – a stunning gender mash of fury and clarity spitting on fleek!!

I was truly blown away by this finish of the night and left the venue physically buzzing.

I hadn’t forgotten some of the quieter performances however, and I was particularly taken by the vulnerability of peoples words. I do not have experience of being a person of colour but I do have experience of being queer and of suffering with mental health illness and I was humbled and gained so much from hearing everyones experience on all fronts.

Further to this, there was plenty of information given as to where assistance could be received if someone is currently suffering from mental health difficulties as well as a reassuring emphasis placed on looking out for one another.

So not only was “Too Black Too Queer”, a powerful performance and film night, it was also a queer family gathering celebrating togetherness and promoting care without stigma.

I feet privileged to have been a guest at such an event and would highly recommend it to anyone and everyone.

If you missed it this year, catch it next year!!


Written and recommended by Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”





Look at you
Silly bitch
Turn into a sinking witch
Drink yourself dizzy
Pouring soda to make it fizzy in your sippy cup
Why can you do that when I’m
here sober thinking what the fuck

Talk about a legal high
Talk about about a pig sty
Thighs slap knees up knickers down
Frown raising beverage crown
Drowning in your own sick
That’s the shit


Pasty skin
Waisty not so thin anymore
Hasty got no time for thoughts
That’s a bit much
Shallow waters British daughters
Don’t go too deep
We can’t bare to tweet a tweet unless it’s a cheap ounce of pounding
Capitol japseye sounding
Ouchy ouch
Couch slouch vouchers
2 for one meal
Oatmeal comes back up
I can see what you ate you sick fuck
Your dick suck ability
Is thrilling me to see what a catastrophe your pilly willy is
Your business is crashing
The floor is flashing
Mashing mashup fuck stuck
Your face hits the floor like a hockey puck
Oh the luck

You’re having

I can see the paper hanging off your foot
Take your tootsies
Footsies not cute
For a drinking brute
Shoot yourself
Lyfs not werth it
Gherkin splurt it
Drunken hurt it
Worst bit worst bits over
Loner loner can’t get a boner
Don’t know about you but I think I’d rather be sober.

Written by Ted Rogers “Artpornblog”